So I never went to my grandmother’s funeral. I wasn’t invited, but I celebrated her life on my own instead and looked back on her stories. I will be visiting the northeast asap to see her and my family, but first I must see my sister.
Tomorrow’s my birthday, and I will be missing the annual cute phone calls from her and my mother. Hopefully my other grandparents or other family members will cheer me up. The day consists of waking up at 7am to get a new retainer, work 11-4, workout time, and then who knows. I work the next morning so there’s not much I can do.
I miss my mother since she was my best friend, and we used to talk about everything together over wine and cheese, or preparation of dinner. But when I went to get my final items with her it broke me so much. Just her, disappointment in her face, and cold silence. I tried giving her all the love I could, even a hug, but she couldn’t. She pushed me away because I pushed her first, yet she was doing it all along. My number one birthday present would be to have her back in my life, or at least a dinner on me. I wish that in time she will see things how they truly are, rather than me being the negative force dragging everything with me. I know I shouldn’t miss them because of everything they’ve done, but I did everything for my mother. It’s hard to let her go.
I’m working as a waitress at a family owned Peruvian restaurant now. It’s really hard since I’ve never really waitressed, nor do I speak fluent Spanish.. but I’ve been learning so much from it and I’m surviving, which is all that matters. It’s fascinating yet very frustrating being the person who doesn’t speak everyone else’s language. I understand many of my past students’ struggles now. However, I am looking at a job with LA fitness working with the children there. Although I may make less money, I may get more hours and spend time in my major doing what I love. So it balances out in my book.
Photos of my room will be posted soon. It looks very nice so far, although I’ve been fighting with the washer and dryer (they sometimes put holes in my clothes) and the light fixtures. You could say I now live in the ultimate bat cave. Can’t wait to show you all.